Communication via Our Hearts

COMMUNICATION is helpful only when both parties are willing.  Often, we are blocked by intense anger or frustration that hinders our connections with our loved ones.  The ability to detect our emotional blockage and formulate what is helpful to say or refrain from saying facilitates the progress or deterioration.  

NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION is written by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg and practiced worldwide with government leaders, parents, and school personnel.  It has shown great effectiveness in linking hearts and expanding the capacity to understand each other's viewpoints.  It creates a deeper appreciation among family members who are willing to grow intimacy and support. 

NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION comes from a compassionate heart that is willing to understand the other party we are facing.  This form of communication goes beyond just hearing the content and words.  It has four components: Observation, Feelings, Needs, Requests.

Observation: 

The action is based on the mindful practices that we have already explored in the previous sessions.  We notice our senses, what we see, hear, smell, touch, taste, etc.  These observations will help us be more sensitized to who we are talking to and not just what we are facing.

Feeling: 

The internal experience is based on our physical sensations.  Our feelings will guide us deeper in empathy and appreciation of what the other person is going through.  This, in turn, brings us closer to the experiences that we are facing and listening to.  By expressing the other person's feelings, we are accepted as someone who can understand.  Trust builds, and the relationship is drawn closer.

Need: 

The universal experience is for our well-being.  It is created by God to help us not only to survive but to thrive.  When we connect with our needs, we can express and be met with satisfaction.  If we cannot express it, we may act passive-aggressively towards our loved ones for fear of losing them. 

Request:

This action, as expressed by the individual, is different from demand.  A request is less commanding, and it is future-oriented.  It allows the other party to respond at their convenience and not at the requesting person's immediate response.  It is clear in nature.  It may receive feedback for modifications, and it is actionable.  

Heart to heart communication is respectful, realistic, and reciprocating.

My Home Practices and Skills

3 Steps

The three steps that we can practice in translating spirituality into parenting relationship are:

Aware of our own body's sensations and reactions in talking to our family members.

When our child talks back to us in a tone of voice that is not appropriate, we are tempted to react in an angry teaching manner or talk loudly to correct their behaviors.  From experiences, we know that this approach will just be adding fuel to the fire.  As an alternative approach, we may take a deep breath, be aware of our tense shoulder, rising anger in our belly, and a sharp word ready to dart from our mouth.  This is the moment to be mindful, a moment to slow down a bit, and connect with our inner fabric of love.   This act of mindfulness will create a bigger space.  An inner space to feel, think, and be informed by our body.  An inner space to discover our thoughtfulness, our kind words, and our next move. 

Beliefs that can be translated into actions.
We all believe in building our child's self-initiative, confidence, and creativity.  However, the barriers are often our impatience and our inability to be consistent in practices.  We need a bigger capacity to pass it on to our next generation effectively for the many wonderful beliefs that we hold.  We want to be mindful of our emotions when we lost our patience.  We want to be mindful of our thoughts when we try to affirm and build them up.  Thus, our beliefs can then be translated into actions that last a positive impact.

Celebrate our connectedness.
A smile at your child is an acknowledgment that you two are connected.  It says that you appreciate and enjoy the conversation.  It says that you know how hard it is to share the emotions or struggles.  It says that you accept.  There is no greater gift when your child feels that she is understood by you.  The sense of joy and peace leaves a mark in her heart. 

Resource:
This is a link to an e-book outlining “how to practice gratitude” at home this Thanksgiving season.
https://www.familylife.com/family-gratitude-plan/